Why do adoption professionals always say “place my baby for adoption” instead of “give up my baby for adoption” or “put up my baby for adoption”?

The great thing about open adoption is that everyone involved has made a conscious, positive choice to participate in the process of forming a new family. The woman with an unplanned pregnancy who is placing her baby has decided that adoption will provide the best future for herself and her child, and the adoptive parents have jumped through many hoops to be eligible to have a baby placed with them. Generally, birthparents and adoptive parents alike are taking actions that they know will have a positive effect on all of their lives, especially on the baby’s.

When a woman with an unplanned pregnancy says “give my baby up for adoption” or “put my baby for adoption,” this attaches a stigma to the idea of adoption. With a teen pregnancy, when a girl says “give up my baby for adoption,” it sounds as if she has surrendered to a particular outcome, as if she was fighting but gave up, or, rather, that the birthparents of the unplanned baby didn’t care much about their adoption decision. It sounds the same when someone with an unplanned pregnancy says “put up my baby for adoption.” In fact, the birth family is making a conscious, very difficult decision by choosing adoption. With adoption, the birthparents of the unplanned baby are choosing a specific family that is right for them and are placing their child (delicately and intentionally) in the care of a family that will honor the child’s background, ensure the child’s well-being and treasure the gift they received. Although it’s a difficult decision for a woman with an unplanned pregnancy, adoption is really a gift of love.

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