For women placing their babies for adoption creating a positive hospital experience is crucial because it is sometimes the only (or longest period of time) she will spend with her baby. To simplify the process, whenever possible, adoption professionals strive to have a written hospital plan prepared for the hospital’s staff, adoptive family and expectant woman to follow. In addition to a plan, it helps to have a list of specific items that might come in handy during the hospital stay just in case…

So: what does an expectant woman with an adoption plan pack in her hospital bag?

• I.D.
• Your Medi-Cal, Medicaid or health insurance card
• A copy of your hospital plan, if you have one
• Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant)
• Glasses (even if you normally wear contacts, you may not want to fuss with them during your stay!)
• Loose pajamas with short sleeves (so that the staff can easily take your blood pressure)
• Slippers and something warm like a sweatshirt and a robe (for you to walk around in during the early stages of labor, or if it gets chilly later on)
• If you’re into music, an MP3 player with your favorite songs pre-loaded onto it.
• Your cell phone charger
• Some magazines, a book, or other entertainment- just in case.
• Snacks for after if there is something (non-perishable) that you particularly love and/or have been craving during your pregnancy
• If you are still choosing an adoptive family: bring the “Dear Birthmother” profiles that you have received- looking over them one last time may help you figure out who you would like to choose or meet.
• Any belongings that are comforting to you- your own pillow (use a unique or colorful pillowcase to spruce up the room and avoid having the hospital confuse it for one of their own); a photo you love; any memento that makes you smile.

The legal effects on these children of only having one legal parent are potentially dire.  Having only one recognized parent means, among other things, that the child cannot obtain health insurance from their other parent; the child has no inheritance rights; the non-recognized parent has no legal rights over the child (meaning if something happens to the recognized parent, the child can be removed and placed into foster care).

April and Jayne have embarked on the brave journey to try and change Michigan law to recognize their relationship and their status as two women parenting their children. Please support their cause by “liking” them on Facebook  or visiting their website.

The importance of first names spans across the globe. Most cultures have specific naming traditions and most new parents toil endlessly over what their child will be named. After all, in most cases, the name parents choose for their children will stick with them for the rest of their lives.  Whole books are dedicated to choosing baby names. Blogs obsess over names’ meanings, come up with annual popularity rankings, and nitpick every offbeat name celebrities come up with.  It is no wonder then, that many of the women we work with who are considering placing their baby in an adoptive home place great significance on choosing a name.

So, in an open adoption: who gets to choose the baby’s name? The answer: it depends.  When she gives birth, a woman placing her baby is given the opportunity to name him or her. Shortly after the birth, a hospital representative comes by the delivery room to fill out a birth certificate and whatever name is inserted at that time is the baby’s name until the adoption hearing happens in court approximately six months later.  If a birthmother and the adoptive family have already chosen a name together, that name can go on the certificate.  At the finalization hearing, an adoptive family may opt to change the baby’s name.

When a birthmother has a baby’s name in mind that she would like the adoptive family to keep, she can easily take advantage of open adoption practices to create a relationship with the baby’s future family and ensure that she chooses someone who likes the name that she has chosen and agrees to keep that name.  Alternatively, the birth and adoptive families can always choose a name together. While the adoptive family may have the right to change the name later on, a trusting relationship exists between the two sides by the time the baby is born and the parents will honor their promise to keep the name that was chosen for their baby.

A big victory came through Iowa’s courts yesterday. The short story is that Heather and Melissa Gartner are a (same-sex) married couple who had two children using the same anonymous sperm donor. Melissa adopted their first child (through a second-parent adoption), becoming his legal parent.  The couple then married and had a second child.  An issue arose when the Iowa Department of Public Health refused to put Melissa’s name on the child’s birth certificate despite the fact that the couple was married at the time the child was born, and this lawsuit arose. After a legal battle, the Iowa District Court ruled that the Department erred in denying Melissa’s request and ruled that she should not need to adopt her child in order to be listed on the birth certificate.

The longer version of the story lies in the basis of the court’s ruling (the entirety of which can be read here). The Department is charged with deciding issues relating to names on birth certificates and their authority to do so is final unless the substantial rights of the petitioner have been prejudiced by the decision. In this case, the Iowa Court posed the important question of whether it was appropriate to give deference to the Department’s interpretation of what “paternity” is in applying a statute to a specific case.

The answer was a resounding no. The court’s discussion focused on the language of Iowa statutes that define “legitimate” children, and, in analyzing these statutes in the context of the 2009 Iowa Decision legalizing gay marriage (see Varnum v. Brien.) the court held that the pertinent statutes that refer to fathers or husbands should be read as referring to spouses or parents. As a result, since the statute governing whose names are appropriate on a birth certificate stated that if a couple is married at the time of birth, both husband and wife’s names are appropriate on the birth certificate, the same statute should apply to same-sex couples without regard to the gender-based terminology contained in the law.

While the reasoning is circuitous (why wouldn’t the two intended parents of a child be allowed to be on the birth certificate irrespective of their gender, sexual orientation or commitment to each other?!?!), the victory is a big one: thanks to the Gartners going to bat for this issue, the road has been paved for future Iowan’s to undergo less hassle when they choose to expand their families.

Birthmother Minka Disbrow is reunited with her daughter, Ruth Lee, after 77 years

The Story

At 17, Minka Disbrow placed Ruth Lee in an adoptive home. For 77 years thereafter, she thought about her daughter and wondered where she was and who she had become.

Meanwhile, Ruth was raised knowing she was adopted, but never thought of searching for her birth family. That is, until she developed heart problems in her seventies and her doctors asked for medical records. Soon thereafter, Ruth’s son petitioned a court to open her adoption records and the mother and daughter reunited. The connection between the two women was instant and they have since visited each other regularly and gotten to know each others families. The whole story is available here.

While the story may have limited impact in the mainstream media, it has already gone viral in the open adoption community. But not for the reasons one would think. Two frequently discussed issues arise in this story that are pertinent to families and professionals involved in open adoption: proper adoption language and the openness of adoption records.

Using Proper Adoption Language

The language we use in discussing adoption is pivotal in creating the relationships that adoption strives to build and maintain. In adoption, there is little room for terms like “biological child,” “real child,” “biological parent,” or “real parent.” Expanding one’s family through adoption is equally legitimate to bearing one’s biological children and there is therefore no reason to differentiate between the two. An adoptive parent is no less of a parent than a biological one, and while the two types of families may encounter different challenges in life, neither is superior to the other. In most adoption scenarios, a birth family is referred to as a birth family and the adoptive family is, quite simply, the family.

Equally important are the terms used in describing a birthmother’s choice to place for adoption. In this article, Ms. Disbrow is quoted saying that she loved her baby so much, she wanted to do what was best for her. These are not the words of a person who has no choice but to give up her baby. In fact, Ms. Disbrow did have a choice: she could choose parenting the baby or she could choose to place for adoption. Nevertheless, the article opens with the idea that Ms. Disbrow simply gave the child up.

Using language with positive connotations serves two purposes: first it reflects that a birthmother is making a loving choice to place her baby in  an adoptive home. Choosing adoption is never easy for an expectant woman, but is always done in the best interests of the child. Thus, she is not giving her child up, rather she is choosing adoption. Additionally, instilling the habit of using positive adoption language in the community at large helps all members of the adoption triad to see adoption in a positive light. Adoption is not something to be embarrassed about, and is certainly not second-best to being raised by one’s biological parents. As such, it is important to use language that allows children to see themselves in the most positive light possible.

Click here for more on positive adoption language.

Opening Court Records

A second issue raised by this article that is a hot topic in the adoption community, but not often broached in the mainstream media is the availability of a court’s adoption records subsequent to an adoption being finalized.  Most state courts seal adoption records, which means they are not available to the public. While this protects the privacy of interested parties, the courts have carved out means for members of the adoption triad to obtain information about their own specific cases.

Proponents of open adoption are petitioning their respective state courts to open adoption records. The opening of these records allows access to the child’s original birth certificate;  medical information that may be pertinent to the child’s health and other information regarding a child’s origins.  The importance of unsealing adoption records is readily apparent upon reading the article about Ms. Disbrow’s case: her daughter needed medical information- if she had been unable to unseal her adoption records, she would never have reunited with her birthmother.

Those opposed to unsealing court records believe that such an action would violate the privacy of birthparents who wished for their identity to remain anonymous. To balance these interests, some states have created systems through which mutual consent can be obtained prior to allowing the unsealing of records.  Currently, many states who don’t maintain adoption registries require extenuating circumstances to unseal adoption files.

Click Here For More Information Regarding Accessing Adoption Records

In Conclusion

This story is, indeed, sensational: the likelihood of a reunion this late in life is slim, and the ensuing relationship between the families is extremely touching.  Most professionals agree that more openness in the adoption world today would result in many more similar stories- something that both the mainstream and the adoption community look forward to reading about.

Not only did he find his medical information, Jeff also learned that his birthmother had been buying a Christmas ornament in his honor every year- at their reunion, she presented him with these 44 ornaments. They now maintain a close relationship, talking on the phone almost daily, and his birthmother has befriended Jeff’s parents. (The full story can be found here)

This story is as touching as it is anachronistic: in today’s world of open adoption, ideally, Jeff’s search would not have taken four years and in some cases, he would have received those ornaments in person or by mail annually. One of the biggest perks of the shift from closed adoption to open arrangements are the free exchanges of information between birth and adoptive families.

Even in less open adoption where there is no personal contact between birth and adoptive families, the adoption agency or adoption attorney that helped complete the adoption will have identifying information of both parties and be able to assist in brokering a reunification.

Nevertheless, we are happy for Jeff and his family, and hope that those ornaments are proudly displayed on his Christmas trees for years to come!

A postcard submitted to www.postsecret.com

One of the first questions that adoptive families ask when embarking on the adoption journey is “how much is this adoption going to cost me?” It is a perfectly reasonable question: many people think they can’t afford it.

To assuage many potential clients, adoption professionals tell them about the Federal Adoption Tax Credit.  Maxing out at a little over $13,000.00, the credit reduces an adoptive family’s tax liability and can even result in a refund if the adoptive family does has little or no tax liability.  While anecdotal evidence indicates that claiming the credit raises red flags with the IRS, and is likely to lead to some questioning, it remains the most significant means of being able to afford an adoption.

Unfortunately, the adoption tax credit does not apply to a married spouse who adopts their spouse’s child (in a second parent or step parent adoption, specifically). However, because same-sex unions aren’t federally recognized, same-sex and unmarried couples who adopt their partner’s child remain eligible for the tax credit according to a New York Times blog published today.

For a more detailed explanation of how the Adoption Tax Credit applies in this situation, feel free to visit Professor Cain’s post about it. For adoption information, please feel free to call AARKS at (415) 200-3600.

Disclaimer: For tax advice, please contact your tax professional. This article is for informational purposes and does not constitute legal advice.

You are probably reading this letter after reviewing many other potential matches for your child, and we can understand what a difficult decision it must be to choose the future parents for your beautiful baby.  To help bring clarity to your thoughts, we believe that it will be important for you to find a family that will love your baby endlessly, educate, nurture and raise your child with a belief of equality and tolerance, as well as maintain your presence in our family.  We believe that we are that family, and we hope you will read on to learn more about us, so that we can commence our lifelong journey together.

Our names are Laura and Chris.  We have been married for over 4 years.  We are both from Canada, but moved to California 4 years ago .  We love California. Living here is like living in a dream.  The beauty of the land and the  people is incredible. This is our home. We would love the opportunity to now share that dream and home with children.

We have worked very hard  in our lives to  educate ourselves  and also to  structure our careers to make a balanced life of work and home.  We have built a solid foundation in preparation for raising our family.  When we bring home your baby, Laura will be reducing her workload and will work only part time to make the raising of your child a top priority.

Open Adoption

We strongly believe in open adoption.  Every child needs to understand their heritage, their roots, and where they come from. They need to know about your journey, the very difficult decision that you have made, and that your decision has been made through love and caring for their wellbeing.  We welcome you into our lives and also promise to maintain your presence within their life.

Our Values

Chris and I live our lives with integrity and even handedness.  We value honesty and treat people the way we expect to be treated, and that is with respect.  Our ethics also extend to animals and we strive to use only ethically produced animal products.  We believe in doing the right thing even when it is difficult to do.

Coming from meager beginnings, we have worked very hard in our lives to achieve what we have both financially and as a family.  We care about the world around us and helping to shape it.  We share our good fortune with others by sponsoring several foster children, orphanages and animal charities.  We look forward to sharing these values with your child.

Our Home

We live in a beautiful, family friendly community called Burlingame, California.  Known as the ‘city of trees’,  the community also has many parks, schools  and protected lands.  We love the old town feel to our community as well as our friendly neighbors.  Right up the street from our house is a grade school which is within distance of our home.  We made a conscious decision to move to Burlingame because we feel it will be a great place to raise our family.  It has the top rated schools in the area and is also walking distance to local shops and attractions.

Our Family

We travel back to Canada several times in the year to see family and friends.   Laura’s sister lives on a farm in Canada with lots of horses, cats and dogs.  We look forward to bringing your child with us on these excursions and teaching them how to ride a horse, or how wheat is grown or just to play with all of the kittens.

Chris is the youngest of three sons born to loving parents. Chris’ father was a caring veterinarian and his mother was one of the first female Members of Parliament in Canada.  She is a great supporter of women’s rights.

Laura was the middle child in a family of six, and although there was much fighting, hair pulling and candy stealing, there was also much love.  Laura’s mother tirelessly fought for animal rights and was a big proponent of adopting domestically.  Before she died last year, she urged Laura to initiate the domestic adoption process.  Introducing you to us in this letter  is helping us to reach our dream and her dream for us.

Chris

I have a degree in Engineering, which means that I was pretty good at math and physics at university.  I work for a large company leading a group that manufactures products generating wind and solar energy.  I enjoy mountain biking, skiing, and going on long hikes with Laura and our dog Ed.

I grew up in Toronto Canada as the youngest of three children.  My father was a veterinarian, and when young I remember frequently going into his office to help with the animals, often even assisting him in surgery. Reflecting back upon my childhood, my parents worked hard to expose each of their children to a wide variety of activities, and supported their pursuit of specific interests.  I vividly remember enjoying bike riding, football, skiing and summer camp.  For a number of years I rode horses and competed throughout our province, and worked summers on a farm.  As I entered university my father bought a farm where he raised cattle, and I spent lots of time fixing up the buildings and equipment for him.

Reflecting back upon all this, I believe that each experience added to my character in some way, taught me many important skills, and made me what I am today.  I look forward to one day doing the same with a child of our own:  giving freedom to explore a wide variety of activities, supporting specific interests, forming an admirable set of values, and ultimately creating a vibrant and fulfilling life.

Laura

I have an Bachelor of Arts degree with honors, and Masters in Business Administration.  I am proud to say that I put myself through school  working my evenings and weekends as a waitress and also as a teacher’s assistant.  I currently work for a software company in silicon valley as a consultant.  I enjoy jogging as well as taking our dog, Ed for long walks.  I also enjoy reading and watching movies.  My favorite book is ‘Jane Eyre’ and my favorite movie is ‘The Piano’.   Although, I think that ‘The Hangover’ was pretty darn funny!

When I was 14 years old, our family welcomed another child into our home, rounding out the child head count at 6.  My baby sister Whitney was the joy of my life.  At 14 years old, I was changing diapers and doing midnight feedings.  I never knew that  a child could bring so much joy into my life.  Looking back, I feel like I have raised a child already and did a pretty good job at it.  Whitney is a  bright and sunny 26 year old with a masters degree in education.  Although she lives in Toronto, we are still close.  We talk on the phone, email and also visit many times throughout the year.  She has already planned vacation time for when we bring your baby home for the first time.

I look forward to experiencing with your child many of the things I shared with my sister, such as how to bake (I make  killer chocolate chip cookies), how to read, amusement parks and also the joy of experiencing other cultures through travel.    My other 5 brothers and sisters also eagerly await the new arrival so they can also share lots of love and goodies with the baby.

Our Current “Family” Members

As you can tell from the well dressed animals below, we have  very well cared for pets.  Bob is our overweight black cat, Olive is our gentle gray cat and Ed is our lovable little Chihuahua.  All of them came from our local humane society, and to help other animals find loving and happy homes, we also pay for the care and maintenance of animals in 6 cages at the humane society.

The Future

We would like to share our love with a child to help grow and encourage them in their home environment.  However parenthood comes to us, it will be a miracle for which we will be thankful.

Please feel free to contact us anytime at lisaandchris@aarkslaw.com. You can also call our friendly adoption professionals at 888.204.1202 24 hours/7 days a week. We hope to hear from you and are here to answer any questions you may have.

Warmly,

Laura & Chris

Why? Because, as illustrated in the chart below, they provide different services.

The cooperation between an adoption agency and an adoption law office often provides the best of both worlds: agencies generally work with more families and can provide more group educational opportunities while adoption attorneys strive to maintain more modest case loads in an effort to match their families faster. The combination of the two ensures a balance between personalized attention and the creation of a community; expert emotional and legal support (both very important in the adoption field) and a strong ongoing support system after your adoption has occurred.

About Us:
Brynleigh is 2 ½ now and we met when she was just 7 months old. She came home with me forever when she was 9 ½ months. Not a day goes by that I don’t think how lucky I am to have been brought together with my sweet baby girl. We love to play outside in the backyard and end everyday by snuggling up and reading a story or watching a show together.
My mom lives in the same town as us and we see her during the week and get together on weekends – shopping, having dinner, going to the beach or park. My aunt, uncle, and cousins live about a mile away and Brynleigh, or “KK” as I call her loves spending time with them. I have a sister with two little boys age 1 ½ and 3/12 who KK loves visiting with.
Although, we don’t jet set around the world, we love to take day trips together to different museums, plays, and child-friendly places. With Connecticut being so close to New York, it gives us many opportunities to be exposed to lots of cultural activities.
Our Home:
We live in Connecticut and love to walk down to the beach from our house. It’s so relaxing to hear the seagulls and smell the ocean when we get home in the evening. We have a park next door and love spending time there at night and on the weekends. We are so lucky to be so close to family and friends that we are able to just hang out with.
We live with our cocker spaniel Berry who is so gentle. KK loves to chase her around and give her hugs and kisses and Berry loves to sleep next to KK’s crib.

A Little Bit About Brynleigh By Brigid:

Brynleigh is a bubbly and energetic two year old who loves to explore and try new things. She is so proud when she is able to do something by herself for the first time. She loves singing, dancing, and all kinds of art. She has so much fun doing gymnastics and soccer at school. She loves her puppy and visiting with our family and she really loves to cuddle and play with all of her babies (doll, puppy, bunny, kitty cat, etc.) She loves to change their diapers and feed them a bottle. She was so proud of herself when she was able to hold my friend’s six month old son the other day! We talk a lot about her having a little baby brother or sister someday. She gets very excited and says that the baby will sleep in her crib and she will sleep in a big girl bed.

A Little Bit About Brigid by Brynleigh:

My mommy has always loved children and tells me all the time how she has always wanted a little baby just like me. We love to go for walks to the beach and play on the swings and climb on the playscape at the park. I love watching mommy slide down the slide! We love going to the childrens’ museum and taking special trips to see my auntie and cousins in San Francisco. We love playing with our family and friends.

Mommy loves little children so much she spends her day working as a school counselor helping little boys and girls feel happy. Mommy loves talking to her friends and we go to dinner with them and love to see movies.

My First Adoption:

9/9/09 – I kept hearing on the radio and tv about how this was such a lucky date and that a lot of people were getting married and doing really special things. I thought to myself “that’s really nice, but it’s just a normal day for me!” I couldn’t believe that it was the day I first found out I was going to b a mom, the first time I saw a picture of my little baby girl! Two months later, I traveled to Kazakhstan which used to be part of Russia and spent a month there getting to know Brynleigh when she was seven months old. It was a very special time for us to bond and for me to see what her life was like before we met. I would never change that time for anything, but would like to adopt a baby domestically this time in part because of Brynleigh.  I wouldn’t want to disrupt her routine by traveling so far away for one or two months at this time of her life and wouldn’t dream of leaving her for that long. I think this journey will be wonderful for both Brynleigh and a new baby because it will help them to share such an amazing bond that only siblings share.

Our Promise to You

I can barely remember a time before Brynleigh and I were together and could never have imagined loving anyone so much.  After experiencing parenting, my heart is even more open to loving another child. He/she will always know what a precious gift he/she is and what a special person you are. I promise to provide a safe and stable home full of love and laughter.

I am happy to work with you to figure out what kind of situation is most comfortable, but please know that at the very least, your child will always be loved, cared for and provided for.

Thank you so much for taking the time to learn a little about us. We would love to hear from you. Please feel free to give our friendly adoption professionals a call any time at 1-888-204-1202 or email us at Brigid@aarkslaw.com.

Brigid and Brynleigh